An American Psycho Home Alone?

An American Psycho Home Alone?

Christmastime is here again. As we string up twinkling lights, hang our stockings, and fill the air with yuletide, cable networks begin to relentlessly televise our most cherished festive films. Along with It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story, it has become the cultural norm that one will view the family-favorite Home Alone several times (at least) throughout the holiday season. But with each viewing of this classic tale, one of life’s eternal questions can’t be avoided: What ever became of our beloved Kevin McCallister? Surely, a childhood of frequent abandonment and solidarity has taken its toll, in some form, on this once innocent soul. But, to what extreme? A theory has recently surfaced that Kevin’s past eventually manifested into his psyche and, as a coping mechanism, formed an alter ego to disassociate from his experiences. However, disassociation can only go so far. The ghost of Christmas past that Kevin has tried desperately to escape has returned with a vengeance to his adult life, haunting him at every turn. Evidence has led experts to believe that Kevin McCallister is in fact, the American Psycho  himself, Patrick Bateman. Don’t believe me? Herein lies the proof:

They both narrate their morning rituals:

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Fuller and Paul Allen are actually the same person:


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They both have issues with gingers:



Both have a knack for befriending lonely homeless people:


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They love to dance:

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They both are victims of bullying:

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Neither shy away from firearms:

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They both LOVE videotapes:

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They’re both screamers:

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They snarkily spread Christmas cheer:

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Most importantly, they’re both Home Alone:

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Co-created by Barrett James

SELFIES: The Downfall of Mankind?

SELFIES: The Downfall of Mankind?

Social Media activity is an accurate depiction of one’s sanity. The frequency and content of what someone chooses to post is truly a reflection of their current mental state. Do they update their status daily? Is it a paragraph or more? Do they relentlessly invite you to play Candy Crush? Everyone can agree, someone who updates their profile picture more than once a week should absolutely be 51/50’d.

Along with an overly broadcasted Social Media presence, there is another strong indicator of how efficiently someone’s brain is working: their relationship with the selfie. Selfies have become the culturally acceptable way of fishing for compliments and in that same regard, their shameless demand for recognition has become the defining trait of these selfie-takers. These are the same people that use more than 3 hashtags. These are the same people that hashtag a run-on sentence. These are the same people that say “bae”, “I die”, and “I can’t even”. These are the people that must be stopped. 

Unless there is something monumental taking place, or you really did get an amazing new haircut, knock it off. Get over yourself. Why aren’t you taking pictures with your friends? The worst is when others buy into these methodical compliment-traps, encouraging the selfie frequency. You’re enablers. With each “like” or, God forbid, a comment, you are giving them the incentive to continue posting such arrogant idiocy. Clearly, their confidence is at an all-time high. There is no question that they are already feeling pretty good about themselves, good enough to have no shame in their self-worship. Don’t add fuel to the flame.

Narcissism aside, the most bothersome aspect of selfies is all of the planning that goes into them. Especially those who take a selfie pretending to be sleeping. Just imagine all of the selfie outtakes that must fill their camera roll. A graveyard of self-indulgence. A treasure chest of comedic gold. Keeps me up some nights just thinking about it.

There was a time when I considered selfies to be an epidemic primarily devastating the reputations of women. But it is far more grave than I initially suspected. Left and right, men and women together are stripping themselves of self-respect and dignity, leaving nothing but a duck-faced shell of their former self.

But what ignited the self-obsession that has plagued my generation? Some could argue that early exposure to the 1998 film “The Truman Show” is a contributing factor. After watching the film, one can’t help but be overcome with the possibility that Truman could be you. Is my mom really my mom? Are my friends actors? Can I really trust anyone- even that blue sky? Typically, these feelings subside. Unfortunately for some, those heightened and exaggerated paranoid feelings of “are they watching me?” mutated into “of course, everyone is watching me”. Paranoia has morphed into conceit. Conceit and Social Media go hand in hand and have proven to be a destructive combination.

Self-obsession is a plague. How can we thrive when we pay no mind to our fellow man? We’ve become a world of people who only care about themselves and what other people think, when in reality, all anyone else is thinking about is what other people are thinking about them. It’s a lonely world when you don’t have interest in anyone other than yourself.

No one is exempt from having their Social Media activity thoroughly dissected. It’s wise to give yourself a quick double-check before posting whatever you want to post, acknowledging the possibility that you may be focusing too much on glorifying yourself. But no matter what steps you may take to give off the impression of a healthy online presence, the truth remains: save your selfies for your parents.